Wocasu accident reports :-)) na Blog.cz

Myslím, že by byl zločin, kdybych se o něco tak vtipného nepodělil. Asi před šesti lety našel můj bratr v kaši nějaké červíky, a rozhodl se napsat mail. Po letech se příhoda vynořila z polozapomnění a bylo mi dovoleno ji publikovat. Zde je ten slavný dopis:

Dobrý den, jsem pravidelný konzument výrobků značky (název společnosti), minulý týden se mi však stala znepokojivá příhoda. Již velmi vyhládlý jsem se rozhodl připravit si k jídlu ovesnou kaši (název produktu). Obsah sáčku jsem nasypal do vhodné nádoby, zalil 150 ml horké vody a dobře promíchal. Po uplynutí pěti minut jsem už opravdu hladový přistoupil k samotné konzumaci pokrmu. Otupen libou vůní stoupající z talíře jsem vychutnával sousto po soustu, když náhle jsem si všiml čehosi prokazatelně živočišného původu. Na povrchu usazené svléklé červí kůže se ještě celkem lehce daly přehlédnout, ne tak samotní červíci usazení na dně, dlouzí odhadem kolem 1 cm, samozřejmě již poznamenaní několika minutami pobytu v horkém prostředí. Šokován a znechucen rozhodl jsem se nedat šanci již pozřené části kaše projít mým zažívacím traktem a blahodárně působit na mé zdraví. Obsah talíře se poté odebral do záchodové mísy také. Toto můj hlad zahnalo na 100%, ovšem pro mě zcela nepřijatelným způsobem. Toto balení kaše má datum minimální trvanlivosti uvedené na obalu 21.08.2006. Opravdu nechápu, jak by červíci do tohoto data s ovesnými vločkami vystačili. Obal se zdál být neporušený, červi tak neměli ani žádnou možnost úniku, zřejmě byli v kaši obsaženi už z výroby. Tito tvorové byli tedy podle mého názoru od začátku odsouzeni k životu v temnotě s následnou smrtí buď vyhladověním anebo spařením vroucí vodou.
Osobně jsem touto příhodou velmi znechucen a chtěl bych se na Vás tímto obrátit s dotazem, jestli toto byla jen ojedinělá záležitost nebo je hmyz obsažen ve více baleních tohoto výrobku, případně i v jiných Vašich výrobcích, a jestli takto dotčený pokrm splňuje výživové hodnoty uvedené na obalu, a pokud ne, tak jak se od nich odlišuje.
Za brzkou a vyčerpávající odpověď předem děkuji.
S pozdravem,
(jméno bratra)

Společnost se k tomu postavila čelem. Brzy odpověděla, že popsaná příhoda je vzhledem k hygienickým standardům nanejvýš nepravděpodobná, nicméně za psychickou újmu nabídla odškodnění v podobě kupy produktů a reklamních předmětů. Ty potom skutečně dorazily na naši adresu a ještě dlouho jich bylo v domácnosti dost.

Canadian winter, and especially this one, is very tough and it's easily understandable that in March, everybody is completely fed up with constant freeze and other inventions of winter. Hardy or not, we are no exception in this case. Our expedition team, consisting of me, Kofi and Cili took a week off and started to search for a good deal - flight to some nice destination, where to heat up our suffering bodies and to get some sunshine into our souls.

But this simple intention suddenly turned into fulfilling of our wildest dreams. On the basis of financial affordability, we chose Costa Rica, a diamond among Central American countries, the country with the highest number of active volcanoes, a country with tropical rainforests and cloudforests, high mountains, country, where the god used the colour from volcanic lagoons to paint the sky. It's the place, where the Jurassic park was made, and the plains, where those huge dinosaurs were stomping, are place of pasture for cattle now. I can tell you that Costa Rican cows are really delicious. The Corcovado national park is the place with the largest biodiversity in the world - there are more species of birds than in entire North America and more species of butterflies than in whole Africa. This tropical paradise is also full of attractive local girls, and extraordinarily nice people, which cook tasty food. Now, I'm going to tell you the story about three extraordinarily crazy students, which came to Costa Rica to disrupt the calm there.

Our aim was not to see the architecture, which is actually based on European styles. We didn't want to face the criminality in the capital, San José. We thirsted for a wonderful nature, mountains and volcanoes, clay paths leading through impenetrable masses of tropical vegetation, exotic scents and people, which are not used to handle tourists. And in the night… we thirsted for dark silhouettes of tall trees, covered by wild orchids; we wanted to listen to the concert of frogs, cicadas, crickets and noises in shrubbery of unknown origin. We also wanted to look into the sky and see the pale moon, grazing his herd of silver stars, then look down and see the dance of orange fireflies with green ones, which we know.

We knew about some certain types of risk, imminent within such trip. We considered everything and went to Conestoga Mall, to buy everything necessary for survival. Sunshield factor 50 to protect our skin (hairy white - type). Water purification tablets, because we didn't expect a source of potable water in all camps. To discourage mosquitoes from attacking us, we bought the strongest chemistry available on the market, which is designed for Northern provinces of Canada, tortured by huge swarms of them. We heard that this stuff is also capable of chasing a polar bear off and maybe it would be able to protect a runway from plane landing, when applied in sufficient amount. Good flashlight, light shoes, Sean's tent, Sean's sleeping bags, fully charged cameras, almost no cosmetics, and full first aid bags - mostly full of pills against diarrhoea. I think it would be possible to make a granule from fart with this amount of pills. We had good clothes, but with one exception - my shorts. I bought child-size shorts one day before and I look in them like this fat guy from Jurassic park, which was eaten on the toilet by tyrannosaurus.

After the shopping on Saturday, Sunday came and we got closer to the airport. George provided us an asylum generously, we had a dinner, we talked a bit and we could go to bed and sleep in relative comfort. Moreover, he woke up earlier and took us to the airport Toronto/Pearson, which we know as our own shoes. So I would like to express my thanks to George and his family.

The first plane took us to Montreal. Kofi and Cili were sitting next to each other, I was luckier and I got a seat next to a nice example of idiot. It was a musician from Montreal, about 25 years old, and his manners were so terrible that I was blushing for him instead of himself. Additionally, I felt embarrassed because he was talking to me as we would be friends. He tried to order some booze for us, then he tried to bargain the price, he was jumping over the seats, one time I almost expected emergency landing. He had to visit the lavatory every 15 minutes, he was whistling, then he scattered the seat with about one kilogram of tobacco, and then he asked me very loudly, if I also smoke weed, like he does. Fortunately, the flight was short, only 1000 kilometres, so I had a little bit patience left. But it was very close. Actually, the pilot missed the runway, made some crazy S-shaped trajectory and finally landed successfully.

It was very smooth in Montreal. We boarded on the plane to Liberia, the capital of Guanacaste province, without any problem. On the way we saw the coast of USA, Florida, The Gulf of Mexico, Cuba, Honduras and Nicaragua. We spent that time with learning some basics of Spanish, eating some bread and cheese, drinking a tomato juice and watching the changes in landscape. It was -12°C in Montreal, but after only 5 hours we landed in Liberia, which was 45 degrees warmer. This land has probably never seen a snowflake.

The airport was completely different from airports we know from temperate zone. No glass, no steel, actually almost no walls. Both departure and arrival hall were open shelters made from round dark lumber, with several powerful ventilators. They were separated by only one thin wooden wall and both led directly onto the runway of not very large area. Not very large means you could never see more than four airplanes at the same time.

On the webpage of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Czech Republic is a warning that the officer at the counter very often refuses to give the entrance stamp. Its absence can, for example when you are checked on a road, result into expulsion from the country. But we left the plane with so shiny smiles that they couldn't do anything but to smile and give us everything we needed. Actually, I still can't imagine anyone from this country being impolite or unpleasant.

This busy place was full of voices, noises, both electronic and natural. Birds were flying in the hall, sitting on rafters and trees, and imitating the noises around - such as taxi hooting, beeping of security frames, ringing of telephones. Geckos are ubiquitous; they walk on every wall and ceiling when the dark falls. Long iguanas roam everywhere, without any stress; for example one especially big iguana was checking the check-in operator, if she does everything properly. Already that time we were certain we are in a different world.

The hall spat us into the embrace of a crowd of taxi drivers, who surrounded the whole group of travellers and started to offer their services with crazy mixture of Spanish and English. We got rid of them somehow; and finally we spotted a guy with a sign and Kofi's name on it. His name was Augusto and his English was comparable to our Spanish. He was supposed to drive us to La Colina Lodge in Moteverde national park, the first stopover in our roughly prepared plan. We put our luggage into his spacious van and then we departed. Of course, we knew that local roads are not maintained at all and they are devastated by seasonal downpours - so we weren't surprised we're jumping like disco dancers at speed of 40 km/h. "It's the only highway in this province", Augusto explained. We saw a dead monkey lying on the road and our driver paid no attention to it. When he noticed our excitement, he grinned exactly in the way he would be the monkey, just being deformed by wheels.

The character of the road changed from asphalt to clay and gravel and also became winding very sharply. Then it changed from clay-gravel to clay - gravel - boulder and it would be impassable without 4x4 vehicle. Our senses were unable to notice everything on the way. The driver was never surprised by anything that appeared on the road - 5 sharp turns per 100m, steep slopes on the right, steep slopes on the left, bushes in our way, motorbikes in the opposite direction, late walkers, dogs and cats, narrow places, water pools and fords, Cañas town. After about one and half hour we arrived to Tilarán and we had a dinner there. Though it was obvious that our guide did not have to pay anything, we were satisfied. The dinner was tasty and we also got a delicious mango juice extra. Then we continued.

At one moment, like given a command, crickets and cicadas and grasshoppers started to sing. Another hour later we finally got to Monteverde and from there it was matter of minutes to appear in front of the gate of La Colina Lodge. We entered the house. Nanci, native in California, was already waiting for us. She moved to Costa Rica with her husband because of his job. He moved back and she stayed. She built a little estate; she has bunch of chickens, some guinea fowls, two cats, two dogs, one daughter and certain part of her house is available of guests. We paid only 4 dollars for the tent we pitched on the backyard lawn. There was only one bioengineer from South Korea living in normal room. He was traveling through entire Central America. Occasionally, some people from the village visit her to drink a coffee. She also had two bathrooms with cold shower and really disgusting toilets, potable water and wall sockets with real electricity inside. We spent several minutes looking at the hills in the distance, gazing at the astronomical show above us. We could only guess what is waiting for us. Thanks to our tiredness, we fell asleep easily and we slept very deep slumber.

All of us woke up before ringing of the alarm clock at 5:45 - because of impatience. We wanted to do some basic shopping before the sunrise, before it starts to roast us. Withdrawal of 75000 colons should be enough, when most people accept American dollars. Finally we bought only several bottles of plain water, one loaf of bread and took the direction back. Streets were busy, swarming with people, dogs and cats. Sometimes everything had to dodge a car. One smallish dog didn't, and if he was not eaten by vultures, he's laying there until the present day. Another dog, about 6-8 times bigger, adopted us without any compromise. We gave it no reason, no food, no stroke, none of us expressed favour or attention. The dog just decided to follow us at all costs, possibly to the end of the world, and it wasn't possible to chase him away. It was also gifted in causing problems, so we expressed our displeasure immediately. Unfortunately, this one was not so easy to handle, like for example Greek dogs. It became quite aggressive and it started to jump on Kofi - and it wasn't funny, because of long claws on its muddy paws. It basically said: "I'm yours and I'll fight for it with you." The dog followed us to La Colina Lodge, where we met two homosexual dogs, which immediately fell in love with "our" dog. We arrived to the Hummingbird terrace café, where approximately 16 species of hummingbirds feed themselves on artificial feeders, creating a unique atmosphere. Our dogs started to run everywhere around and to beg for some food. One man gave them a piece of bread, which was really naive and careless. We felt an opportunity to vanish and to let the dogs to find some new victims. Everything was futile - the dogs found us without any problems and we were theirs again. That time we were really fed up with those damned dogs. Finally we were rescued by the ranger at the entrance to National park. At my imploring request, he put a rope around the biggest dog's neck and another guy took it somewhere far away. The remaining dogs left spontaneously.

The park we entered is a sample of tropical cloud forest. The difference from tropical rainforest is in its altitude - it is a forest that covers high hills and is permanently enshrouded in humid clouds. These clouds perpetually produce wet fog, consisting of tiny droplets. The visibility within the cloud is very low and those tiny droplets disable a photographer to take pictures - most pictures are spoiled because the objective is steamed up. The tropical cloud forest is the densest type of forest in the world and this statement is valid from roots to treetops. Everything is covered by mosses, ferns, orchids, bromeliads, everything is connected by lianas. We found a dead male of brachypelma smithi tarantula on the ground; it is very exclusive and expensive species in Europe. So we spent whole day there, walking up to the hill and down, and enjoying a lot. Before the departure to Costa Rica we said: We have to walk so much that even next month we will appreciate every moment we can sit. We fulfilled this resolution completely.

When we arrived to our base, it was almost dark. We talked to Nanci, for we wanted to know her opinion about our traveling plans. She was also one of a few English speaking people, so it was great opportunity to get some useful advice and suggestions. And we got to know a lot. She told us not to take one of our ways, because it leads exactly through the center of territory of a hostile cougar. It wouldn't be very wise to go there without proper weapons. She suggested us to either choose another way, or to pass through this stage on horseback, armed with machete. "Sounds good", we said, and she tried to bargain the price of horses by phone for us. The final price per person was 60 dollars, and it was too much. We made a decision to go avoid the cougar and to use bus for the rest of the distance. For the first part of our way, Nanci ordered a very cheap taxi.

The whole time we spent inside, we were watched by wonderful ashen cat with wide eyes. Dogs looked very serious and important. A hen was walking in the hall without any disturbance. All animals were allowed to climb on tables and they did so often. That was a bit strange, but Nanci is very pleasant and helpful person. Before we left, she recommended us a cheap Italian restaurant, where we had a good dinner. Then we planned to go further to the town center to see a living collection of local frogs, but the clouds from the hills crept into the streets and started to spread the droplets directly on our heads. Muddy road and this special type of rain made us change our mind and to go back. It was complete dark, so we stacked ourselves into the tent.

Getting up was even more extreme than usually. The alarm clock chased us from our sleeping bags during the night time - at 4:45 AM. Outside was already waiting a taxi, so we packed our wet tent and put our stuff into the car. It drove us through whole Monteverde to the "bus station". Actually, bus station only means a corner, where buses usually stop, but there's no other device, related to buses.

Transport by bus is really cheap in Costa Rica. It is subsidized by the government, so one can get from one end of the country to the opposite for about 10 dollars. Such trip would shake the soul out of an average person out of his body. And now imagine that local buses have obviously their origin in Canada or USA, from which they were sold to Costa Rica because of their age. Since even jeeps have serious problems with Costa Rican roads, the bus drivers are real national heroes. Another special characteristic of local transport here is complete absence of bus schedules and information service. Our bus was supposed to depart at around half past six, but local people always said that "It will come soon". Every one of them said something different, the bus was still not there, and when one man said the magic word mañana, we didn't know, if the bus is going to come later, or tomorrow. Finally the bus arrived and two hours of waiting were compensated by three hours of ride in amazing colourful countryside. The driver was great; he drove the bus fearlessly through muddy roads and over wooden bridges, which did not have any crash barriers. They regard it as a "road", but we Europeans would say it is an "off-road". When the driver saw his cottage, he stopped and just got off the bus. He said hello to his family, then he fed his poultry, and after 10-20 minutes of unknown activities we could continue. No one was surprised; all passengers were calmly and patiently waiting without any comments.

Our adrenaline ride has ended and we got off in Tilarán. From there we wanted to get to the most famous active volcano in Costa Rica, to Arenal. It is a new, 1633 metres high volcano, which exploded unexpectedly in 1968. Whole Tabacón city was smitten by the wave and since that time the volcano is still showing some types of volcanic activity. If you are lucky and you see the volcano without its cloud cap, you can watch small explosions, lava flows or smoke belching. Between us and this natural wonder there was a lake called Laguna De Arenal - thirty kilometres long and three kilometres wide dam filled with turquoise blue volcanic water. We had information that it is possible to walk around clockwise; therefore we found a bus heading to Caño Negro, and from there our hike was supposed to begin. About an hour later we reached our destination. After very difficult attempt to communicate with a policeman and two girls at age of puberty we understood that our information is several years old and the situation is completely different now. Nobody uses that way anymore, the terrain is very hard and there's no chance to replenish our supply of water. There are also several rivers and no bridges over them. Actually, nobody from the town knows much about the situation and nobody would even think about taking that way. So we gave trying and we departed to the left.

The sun was shining aggressively and the temperature was about 40 degrees. We found a skeleton of armadillo lying in the roadside ditch. First result of hitchhiking was a jeep with two Americans. We sat on its back and the wind was drying our clothes and fanning our hair pleasantly. It was wonderful to drive along the blue lake, sitting on our backpacks, and watch the grassy slopes and rainforests on hills from that mobile viewpoint without glass. After several miles we said them goodbye, thanked and continued by walk. Then we stopped a bus (great advantage of Costa Rica - you can stop a bus anywhere, like a taxi). It took us even closer to our destination - to the Arenal city, which is only about 30 kilometres from the volcano itself. There we had to wait for another bus, which was heading to La Fortuna. An employee of some hotel was waiting there. We usually refuse to talk to them, but this one was equipped with surprisingly good English and he was offering a hotel room for only 7 dollars, plus quite reasonable offer of six-hours-long program related to the volcano and the national park around. We decided to consider his enticement carefully and further listening made us to agree. Things started to happen rapidly.

The lad led us to the hotel, where we had only ten minutes to sort our stuff and take only things that could be useful during the rest of the day. Then we continued with some half-wild driver, which had admirably good eyes and which pointed at toucans, sitting on branches in the distance. He took us to the visitor center with nice view of the volcano. Unfortunately, there was a huge white cloud sitting on the tip; there was nothing to see. We could just watch a family of coatis, searching for something to eat under bird feeders. Some of them were funnily disabled.

In the center we met Fabian, a boy at about my age, our guide. He's experienced, he knows a lot about the forest, and, moreover, he speaks good English. The group he gathered consisted of 9 people. Firstly he showed us an eye-lash viper, one of the most numerous and most beautiful venomous snakes of Central and South America. It was lying on a leaf apathetically and everybody could take a picture from safe distance.

Our 2 hours long trip to the forest began. The tricks he showed us were nothing unexpected or stunning - what leaves to use as a repellent, what to use instead of toilet paper, how to sew an injury with the help of leaf-cutter ants, what to be afraid of. Then he talked about the history of the national park, about ecological efforts, about the original and invasive species, about the volcano. It was already getting dark when he took us to the river. Those interested could jump from a waterfall; Fabian applied a volcanic mud pack on the face of selected people. After that we walked in the dark to some transport vehicle. There were fireflies everywhere around us. The forest edge, now without the heat of the day, became an absolutely pleasant place.

The program ended with two hours of natural hot spa under little waterfall. We laid ourselves down to the shallow, warm, babbling water of special scent, flowing out from Arenal. Some people were taking care of their precious partners, somebody was stretching his stiff limbs, and some people were just lying between the stones. Two electric forehead torches were hinged on some tree on the bank, and their nebulous white light was shining through the fog, creating almost underworld atmosphere. The combination of all these impression was completely different from everything we had ever experienced.

Fabian's next job was to take us back to our hotels, so firstly he asked everybody for its name. And we realized that we actually don't know - the departure was so fast that we forgot to memorize it. We only knew the way from the bus station, so we told him to take us there. He replied he couldn't, so he said he will deliver the rest of customers and then we'll find it together. The first stop was the hotel where a German guy Jan lived. We told him goodbye and one of us said: "Hey, isn't it our place, too?" "Oh, you are probably right…Yes, you are right for sure!" "So, we are getting off. Bye." Fabian suggested us that we could talk more and have a dinner together. We all agreed and found some restaurant. There we drank some beer, had delicious steaks and talked. We found out that local people realize the importance of the environment very well and they protect it. The government does efficient steps to sustain the balance between economical interests and environmental needs. Numerous boys choose special schools for national park guides as their educational direction. Their English is much better than most of Czech students possess, and their knowledge of forest is sufficient for their job - no question of a curious tourist will surprise them. Jan told us that he is currently on the world tour. He travels alone, but he visits friends. His Spanish is fluent because he had a Spanish girlfriend, with which he lived in Spain for three years. We wrote something to the chronicles book, inserted a label from Costa Rican beer called Imperial and went to bed at half past twelve.

Our plans were everything but clear there - we only knew that we'd like to visit the Tenorio national park and there should be La Carolina Lodge, a place for camping, somewhere. In the morning we managed to board a bus to Upala, and from there to Bijagua. After that we didn't have any clue how to continue. Fortunately there was an internet café, and the owner could speak little English. She called her husband and together they tried to give us some advice. Because of her effort she forgot she was cooking in the kitchen, and at one moment she ran there and hopefully saved the dish. They both recollected that they have some relatives in the mountains (actually, all local people seem to be relatives of each other) and occasionally, they let tourists to spend a night at their place. She said it is very nice there and one entrance to the park is nearby. She offered she will call a taxi (of course, one of their relatives), and he would drive us there. It was about 13 kilometres. We didn't know anything - where is it, what people they are, what will they expect from us…. It was crazy enough, so we agreed without noticeable hesitation. It was absolutely obvious that we are heading for some adventure.

The driver has just arrived. We climbed on the vehicle's back and we could depart. After several hundred metres on the main road he took a turn to a clay road, leading somewhere into the mountains. The terrain was worse and worse, but the car was proceeding valiantly higher and higher. New panoramas were opening for our eyes, we could see views of mountains, pastures, and rainforests, grassy slopes, lakes and rivers, chain bridges and rope bridges, and we could listen to the concert of tropical noises - voices of birds, screaming of monkeys, croaking of frogs, chirping of cicadas. Sometimes we passed a poor building with bunch of cows, hens, horses and with little garden. We also met an about 10 years old boy, riding a horse, heading to the town to do some shopping. When we reached quite high altitude, we found ourselves on a crossroad, where one turn led even higher. A sign points that direction and says: Posada La Amistad. We took that way and after about 300 metres we arrived at our destination. Our driver greeted the lady of the house, received the money he asked for and left. The small woman showed us the place where we could pitch our tent. Here we were completely dependent on our knowledge of Spanish, because Soccoro (her name) was totally untouched by English.

The building consists of the house for owners and a spacious shelter with several tables and chairs, a meeting place for local farmers and, occasionally, for travellers. About ten metres from there is kind of shed, serving as a room for those travellers who don't possess a tent. In the shelter there is a huge fireplace. Very rigid benches are always made from three pieces of hard tropical wood from stumps. The floor is decorated by numerous slices of stumps with nicely colourful pattern; they look like octopi. Soccoro cooks on an open fire in the kitchen. In the garden behind the house there are hens, orchids, tropical fruits, vegetables, two little ponds, fireplace, and green parrot. The most important thing is a huge tree and a 20 metres long liana swing hinged on its top. You can swing with amplitude of around 15 metres: The first half you fly over the lake and back, then you say hello to cows in the pen and the cycle can continue. We erected our tent under a palm, which is close to the magnificent tree with the swing. Soccoro offered us something to eat before going for a trip. The lunch was typically Costa Rican, but very rich. There was rice on the plate, as well as black beans, chicken from the backyard, fresh lettuce, small scones from rice flour, grilled banana, homemade cheese, tasty cold lime juice and a dessert. It was perfect; we literally fell in love with Costa Rican cuisine, because everything was absolutely fresh, homemade and full of natural taste. After the lunch we took our backpacks and went for a walk.

Some young boy was coming. It was Elias, the only son of Soccoro. He could be about 18 years old, and like many other Costa Rican youngsters, Elias studies for a National park guide. He speaks English without any problems and his sense of humour is also great. He offered us he will take us to some beautiful and for tourists normally inaccessible place. We gave him time to have a lunch and then we followed him there. Elias untangled a barbed wire by the football pitch. We crossed the pitch and entered the forest. The narrow path led us deeper and deeper, the vegetation was denser and denser, and finally we descended a rough clay stairway, and found ourselves on the bank of Rio Celeste. The secret place was a turquoise blue lagoon and fast running stream between boulders of various shapes before and after. There was nothing but thick rainforest in heights above us, only a little gap between treetops with pale moon and yellow sun in the middle was breaking the continuity of the roof of greenness. Elias himself stayed on the bank; since one bitter experience he's afraid to swim. He just asked if we are all good swimmers and showed us where to jump. So we did as he said and we could start enjoying that pure refreshing euphoria. After about half an hour of enjoying Cili was accidentally grabbed by wild current and taken away, to the streams and boulders. She will remember the seconds of struggling for life forever, I'm sure about it. Fortunately she managed to pounce upon a boulder which was not so round and slippery and she was hanging there, waiting for help. Kofi gave her helping hand. She was scratched a bit, she got several bruises, and she was a bit shocked - but the most important think is she was alive. There are much worse things further down the river. We spent another 20 minutes with careful bathing and then we left.

We let Elias go home and took another direction; we wanted to explore and to find some nice place to have a snack. On the way we could see nice views of Nicaragua and Arenal. Unsurprisingly, it was matter of minutes to find a perfect place. It was an old water-gate with concrete platform. The water flowing through can't be considered as a river, and personally, I wouldn't even call it brook. It was more like a noodle of swamp, which was not completely stagnant. The water level was mostly covered by leaves of aquatic plants; the life under them was hidden from our eyes. We sat on the edge of the platform and started to eat. Suddenly one of us noticed that there is something moving under the leaves. We could see nothing but intermittent reflections of something smooth - probably of some carapace. "It's a turtle!" "No, it's a crab!" "So what the hell is it?!" I armed myself with courage and with some other items and went down to catch it and bring it to the daylight. In fact, it was a giant freshwater crab, very angry and with strong chelae. How to catch such a dangerous creature safely to take some pictures? This situation needed some trick. I gave him a dry branch; the crab attacked it in self defence immediately. When it clenched the wood, it cracked and the stick with diameter of two centimetres almost broke. I can imagine that the crab would do the same with my finger if it had an opportunity. Our new friend was really pissed off now. In the pose of a boxer, it was waving its arms fiercely and trying to fight its way back to the water. We took sufficient amount of good pictures and released the monster.

Our next wish was to watch the sunset. There were pastures everywhere, and barbed wires between them. But this obstacle is not enough to discourage us from our plan. We overcame about 10 wires and 5 cows. Trying to avoid unclear pits, possibly home to venomous animals, we were climbing up, until we found ourselves on the top of one peak. Unfortunately it was too late, and, additionally, we would achieve equal success 20 minutes earlier. The sun was hidden behind another peak, which was richly covered with tall trees. But there was no reason to be disappointed - we could take a lot of gloomy pictures at dusk until the darkness swallowed the whole place.

The way back over the wires and through the herd of cattle was successful and we arrived to our base, to Posada La Amistad. The dinner was already waiting for us. It was very similar to the lunch, but the role of meat was played by tilapia instead of chicken. We spent some time talking, drinking the only can of beer we bought in Costa Rica and got into our sleeping bags - we knew the next day will be surely long.

The typical sound of the garden we slept in was the voice of "wondering birds". Do you know the cartoon about the little mole called Krteček, which doesn't speak at all, but which is constantly wondering at everything it can see? Uuuuuuuu! Exactly the same sound is produced by "wondering birds" - you could hear long Uuuuuuu! every minute. Cili was heavily affected by those birds - firstly she was wondering together with them, and then she learnt how to imitate them brilliantly. Finally, when I heard Uuuuuuu! I couldn't recognize whether it is Cili on the ground or bird on the tree. She hasn't gotten rid of this habit yet - sometimes she suddenly calls: Uuuuuuuu!

After the cold shower and swinging on the liana in the morning we filled our stomachs with delicious warm breakfast, consisting of gifts from chickens and cows. One large backpack was enough for today's trip. We stuffed it with food, water, first aid bag, repellent, sunscreen, some clothes and valuables. At the entrance of the park the ranger gave us a map and useful instructions, where to go and what we should not to do. By the way, rangers always speak English. This one was an exception for this rule - so we had no chance but to speak Spanish.

The trails were far wilder than in Monteverde or Arenal. However, we met a guy with machete, maintaining the path. It wouldn't be possible without this - the nature would regain the space back in the matter of days. Generally, machete is really basic tool in Costa Rica. In the same way we carry umbrellas, local people carry machetes. There are people that don't leave their house without a machete. For example, we were waiting on the bus stop in the center of Monteverde and we were surrounded by people with machetes. Another guy, which was very well dressed, was riding a bike and holding a machete. He probably had a date. I still remember Nanci saying: Do you really want to take that way? So I'll borrow you some machetes, I have plenty of them. I can easily imagine her kitchen. She has probably some machete drawer next to the sideboard.

After several kilometres we descended to a wonderful waterfall on celestially blue Rio Celeste. The place of collision of the water was spreading clouds of droplets and keeping the climate humid. We were forced to clean the objectives of our cameras before every shot. Swimming in the lagoon was not allowed, we had to go further. So far we were the only tourists on the trail, but now, several groups of hikers appeared. Nothing else was disturbing the quiet symphony of the rainforest at daylight.

After another 90 minutes we accomplished today's main objective - we reached the place where the hot sulphur springs bubble out from the bottom of Rio Celeste. They are so hot that one could easily get scalded in the immediate vicinity of the source. Therefore, local people have created a pile of boulders that is maxing the hot water with cold river water together. It means the source itself is not accessible by hand and so it is safe. The resultant water is pleasantly warm. You can lean against a rectangular boulder wall, which has capacity of maximum 8 people. I estimate its depth as about 1 meter. Most of the time we weren't there alone; we shared it with both local people and tourists. All of us were just relaxing, letting the water soften our skin and hair, watching the clouds how they were getting denser and finally how it started to rain. We put our stuff under an overhanging rock and sat into the bath. The lower parts of our bodies were enjoying hot water therapy and the upper one was cooled by raindrops from the sky. It was an impression impossible to induce in the bathroom.

For the way back we chose an alternative path, which is only sporadically used and goes through harder terrain. Already from far distance I noticed a motion of branches and I could guess it is something bigger than a parrot. Step by step, we got closer. That time I was completely unshaven, so the monkeys had absolutely no stress from seeing me and we could take some pictures. As you can imagine, it was really unforgettable experience. Generally, during this trip we had enormous luck to see animals. We saw two venomous snakes, one mantis, couple of lizards, an anoli with red inflatable throat, bunch of hummingbirds, one frog and other natural treasures. When we found the way back, another delicious dinner with two additional desserts was waiting for us. Soccoro was smiling; she had some guests at home. Later we got to know that they are her relatives. The last point of our programme was Sean's tent and Sean's sleeping bag. We also managed a taxi that will take us to the town in the morning - we planned to catch the first bus.

Again we woke up before the alarm clock rang. This time it was not caused by "wondering birds". It was starting to rain. Firstly it was just a drizzling - the canvas was silently humming as millions of harmless little droplets were falling on it. The amount of drops remained the same, but their size was bigger and bigger. Then the tent couldn't resist anymore. A little pool of water appeared under my pants. Later I put there a dirty T-shirt, because the pool was still growing. It was completely wet in a moment, the water started to flow inside from more places and it the daybreak was coming. Also the time of the arrival of our taxi was getting closer, so we were forced to give up waiting for the end of the rain and got up. The goodbye breakfast made by Soccoro was ready - and it was absolutely great. It was a luxurious collection of the freshest and tastiest things I've ever had. Especially the pineapple from her garden was delicious.

While we were satisfying our hunger, the rain turned into fair tropical downpour. Flows of clay-coloured water were everywhere. The hollow sound of banana tree leaves, bombarded by heavy drops, was ear deafening. The ground was warm before; but now, under mighty assault of cold drops the soil was producing thick fog, making the visibility negligible. It seemed to be endless and to wait for the end would be pointless. The taxi has just arrived, so we simply ran for the wet tent, which was in the middle of the garden, and stuffed it into my backpack. The garden was full of obstacles of all kinds, so we had to do our best to depart in time. We could be quick - there was no reason to do it rigorously. There was also no reason to worry - everything will dry even faster than it got wet.

We also got to know that a huge earthquake occurred close to the coast of Japan. As everybody, we knew very well what usually comes after an earthquake that has its source in the ocean. The radio warned us of the tsunami, but the danger was supposed to be imminent in south of Costa Rica only. Our next destination was safe. We took a picture with the family from Posada La Amistad, said goodbye and departed for a very funny ride. Finally it was not so bad - the car was keeping its grip even on clay slides. The lower the altitude was, the weaker was the rain. Actually, it was not raining in the valley at all. A three hours long trip to Liberia came after. There we took another bus, heading direction La Cruz (that time we had already quite fair orientation abilities) and got off by the entrance of one of the oldest national parks in Costa Rica - Santa Rosa. It was smooth.

We paid the entrance in the ranger booth and set out on a trip to the visitor centre, which was 7 kilometres far from the main entrance gate. Actually, we weren't so far from Tenorio, but the type of landscape was completely different - I would even say it is opposite. From April to December it rains a lot here. Water flows in rivers and accumulates in seasonal basins, everything germinates and grows, all life wants to live and expand. But in December the situation turns by 180° degrees. So called tropical dry forest becomes an arid inhospitable place, which torments with hunger and thirst. Most of the water disappears, the trees lose their leaves, terrestrial vegetation dies and the hot shivering air whirls dust. There are lots of animals - absurdly high numbers of animals that have no place to hide. There are tons of animals, publicly drying themselves on the sun and trying to survive until the next rain period. For some reason there are plenty of dragonflies, big blue wasps, blue-white-black magpies and other birds. Iguanas are lying on branches or apathetically dragging their overheated bodies on the dust. Agile lizards are ubiquitous. Bands of white headed capuchins search for anything to eat. Quite often you can catch sight of a deer, especially close to a water source. Green parrots sit on naked trees. The most interesting (at least for me) were large flat horizontal spider webs with area of about one square meter. The signal fibers lead into a tube, where the robust owner is waits for its prey. You can see only its glowing eyes.

We didn't have to walk the whole way. An employee of the park that was passing by stopped and offered us a ride. We gladly accepted and immediately asked him what we can see here. He automatically started to talk about the museum of Costa Rica, but upon our request he changed the topic and told us exactly what we needed to know. "Scorpions? We have tons of scorpions. Tarantulas? No, this place is to dry for them. There are sea turtles on the beach. Go 13 kilometres to Playa Naranjo. Take enough water, there's nothing."

We spent some time with discussion and then we decided to dedicate the rest of the day to hike to that beach. Then we planned to spend 24 hours there and go back. In the visitor centre, we fully comprehended the biological exclusivity of the park. The restaurant primarily serves as a cafeteria for scientific teams. Lots of scientists and Ph.D. students of biology were doing their research in the forest, most of them wanted to gain some experience and collect data for their thesis. We ate some lunch, drank about a bucket of water, bought 12 litres of bottled water and set on the trip to the coast of Pacific Ocean. The heat was sweltering; there was almost no shadow on the way. Our heads and necks were covered with wet towels and everything exposed to the sun was thoroughly treated by sunscreen. It took us three hours to descend to the sea level. Sometimes we took a picture of nice view, of a monkey, cricket or lizard, but not very often. It was just too hot.

I really don't know why our destiny is still the same. Every time we choose some place, which is supposed to be a natural wonder, crowded with tourists, we are there completely alone. There was absolutely nothing on Playa Naranjo, except a guy, checking our tickets and two showers that give almost no water. In the ocean were only two or three surfers and couple of local people had a picnic under trees. That was all we found on a 7 kilometres long beach. Imposing waves were roaring on the shore, and sea gulls, pelicans and frigate birds. Small groups of oystercatchers were running on the sand. There were also some turbo-crabs, which can, in my opinion, overreach the speed of 12 kilometres per hour when they want to escape into their holes. Their behaviour is suggestive of incorrectly programmed robots. While running, they sometimes meet a human footprint. It confuses them in very funny way. They immediately start to copy its shallow contour, and they yield to panic in it. It wouldn't cost them more than one easy step to escape from this "insidious trap", but for some reason they don't leave the footprint before they spend several seconds with panicking in it. It was the easiest way to catch them - just make walk a circle around some crabs and then startle them a bit. It always happens that one of them ends trapped inside.

Not only small animals live in Santa Rosa. Three hundred metres from our tent was a lake called "lagoon of crocodiles". Seasonally, it is reputedly full of them. Warning signs and rows of branches clearly lets you know it is not good idea to go there. We went to see it, but only during the day. We watched the murky water with respect and from open space. Except one crocodile slide we have seen nothing. Generally, this place was quite dangerous. Beaches of Costa Rica are famous for their rip currents, which already killed many Czech tourists. If you don't expect them and if you don't know the current will deliver you back to the shore, you could exhaust your powers and get drown.

We enjoyed the ocean a lot. Fighting with waves made us hungry. The sun was slowly leaving us; it had another shift over the hemisphere of antipodes. Flying foxes and bats woke up and the forest rang out with song insects. That time we got an opportunity to experience something absolutely unforgettable.

Playa Naranjo (Beach of orange trees) is a government - protected nesting place of giant sea turtles. If you have a red light, you may watch them while they are laying their eggs - but only if you are lucky enough and some turtle arrives to the beach that night. We had a red light so we hoped we will see the animal about which many interesting documents have been created. When the dark fell, we started to search. But there were no turtles, no scientists, no surfers, nothing at all. After while we sat on the sand and admitted the non-success. We were just watching the sky and the ocean. One can't be lucky every time. It was still amazing.

Unlike the couple, I didn't plan to give up trying. Moreover, I felt a bit surplus, so walked along the beach to sort my private thoughts and to breathe the loneliness. I was splashing through the tide further and further from the tent. All my senses were ready to notice a turtle or anything that could come from the forest. I was dressed only in my sleeping pants and I was holding my camera bag. There were only couple of smallish clouds above me, illuminated by pale moon; the tide looked like liquid silver. Nothing but pieces of wood was washed ashore. Some of them were quite big and of bizarre shapes - somebody's imagination could turn it into a horror. No waste, no towels or camp beds - just sand and wood. Suddenly I spotted a white object about 20 metres in front of me. It wasn't moving, but definitely it was not ordinary part of the beach. I came closer and the object could introduce itself. "I'm a dead ray, nice to meet you." I took a picture and continued. Finally I reached the end of the beach. It ended with some kind of little gulf and piles of sediments on its shore. So goodbye turtles, maybe we will see each later, or possibly never.

I was returning to the tent slowly, and suddenly I saw something familiar. There was a furrow leading perpendicularly from the ocean, and pairs of notches on both left and right side of it. It was not necessary for me to focus my eyes on the end of the groove; I knew perfectly what was there. That huge boulder about 15 metres from me was a turtle, crawling on the sand, trying to contribute to the survival of the species. It has at least 50 kilograms. My heart was beating crazily and I couldn't believe I was so lucky. I was also afraid to come closer; I didn't want to discourage the turtle from her work. I was watching it for a while, and I took several dark pictures. I was breathlessly expecting that it will start digging. Suddenly some birds appeared and started to circle above it. Then they landed. Running, jumping and loudly cawing birds were really disturbing. I was about to toss my shoe to chase them away, but I was bare; I could just wait what will happen. The enemies made the turtle really nervous - it climbed too far, where the sand was dry and everything was falling back to the hole. The turtle was really fed up with this. It ceased work and headed back to the sea. So, this was the turtle I was looking for. My mood was at the freezing point. When the turtle reached the tide again, I took a picture with flash - it didn't matter anymore. Then I continued back to the tent.

I could have walked the distance of less than 400 metres, when another turtle crawled out of the tide. This one was slightly smaller, but very brisk. I hoped it will be successful this time. But this one knew how to do it. It reached a perfect place in 5 minutes and immediately started to dig by its rear flippers. This periodical motion was forming two fan-shaped layers of wet sand in angle of about 2x120°. The hole was dug now, time to lay eggs came. I reached the back of the turtle by crawling carefully, and with the help of red light of my camera I was watching it from the closest possible position. The turtle didn't care at all. I couldn't see inside the hole, it was covered by the carapace. Then the eggs began to fall. They had size of walnut and white colour. Every 30 seconds I could hear "ts", then silence and again "ts". Sometimes the pause was longer, but then it reverted to the normal rate. I don't know exactly how many eggs the turtle laid, but my guess is around 30. The phase of burying came after. For another half an hour it was gathering the sand back to the hole. When there was enough sand, the turtle raised its body on both front and rear left flipper. Then the full weight fell on the sand. Then the same with the right side of its body. Together it makes a repetitive cycle: to the left, to the right, to the left, to the right, gathering the sand. I could hear: bom bom bom bom ssssh ssssh ssssh ssssh sssssh ssssh bom bom bom bom. It took another half an hour to the turtle to be satisfied. After that, very interesting and surprising things started to happen. The turtle stomped another five metres of the sand in the same way as the nest, to make the eggs harder to find. When the mission was completed the turtle mother returned to the sea. Seriously, I thanked it for one of the most exciting and the most unforgettable experience of my life, wished only the best to it and to its offspring and waved for farewell.

Of course, Kofi and Cili were angry that I arrived multiple times later than I promised. But, as I told them, they could count on the possibility I will find some turtle. And I was proud that I didn't give up, I grabbed and utilized the opportunity. It took me quite long time to fall asleep.

In the morning we set out on trip to a place called Sendero Carbonal. Actually, we didn't know what to imagine, but it was supposed to be magnificent and it was also the only trail that was going somewhere. So, let's go. It led through a parched forest with cacti, but also along a river basin, which was almost empty. The remaining water was clean and still. All life is concentrated here - both under the level and outside. Once we took a wrong way, so we had to turn back. Then we continued. We were surprised by big colourful crab, walking in the forest, which can't offer even a drop of water for such creature.

Then we found it. We came out of the wood and we understood what is so special at the end of the trail. We found ourselves on a huge open space, which serves as a seasonal water basin during the rainy period. Now it is just dry cracked ground with no plants. Just several parts of crabs and pieces of wood stick out of the dried mud. The temperature was too high for everything except couple of huge blue wasps and some butterflies. It took us one hour to return back to our tent. Then we went swimming to the ocean to refresh ourselves. There was a problem - we didn't have enough water, it was disappearing from our bottles at incredible speed. We also had only a little food - one disgusting lunchmeat from Canada and one can of tuna with some crumbs from Canadian cookies. It was 1 PM and I suggested to go back to the scientist base now with two litres of water, rather than to wait for another 5 hours for more hospitable temperature, but with probably no water. We discussed it a bit and the proposal was accepted.

We packed our stuff, used our sunscreen and wrapped our heads into a wet towel. There was some shadow at the beginning, but not very much. The temperature was certainly above 40 degrees and we were crawling up the hill on a stony and dusty path. Our water supplies were running low; we had to rest several times. The worst thing was that the sunscreen was flushed by our sweat and we were getting red. We ate our last food excepting the lunchmeat, which is extremely salty and disgusting. There was another slope up after every turn. It seemed to be at last 3 times longer than the way there. We didn't have mood to walk anymore, but we wanted to finish it. In the worst case we could stop some jeep with surfers to ask them for some water. Vultures were circling above us and this time they looked they really expected something. Fortunately we overcame the slope and then it was actually quite ok. Cili and Kofi had a dinner, but I couldn't - I felt bad and the only thing my stomach accepted was incredible amount of juice and water melon. When the dark fell, I felt all right again.

We pitched the tent and took a shower. Occasionally we spotted a pair of glowing points. Believe me or not, when we pointed there by flashlight, we found a robust spider, walking in the darkness. This was very long day - we fell asleep in a minute.

Before setting out on the way we took couple of pictures. Kofi found a big pregnant scorpion male. The result of my investigation of pile of rotten wood was a pair of beautiful amblypygi tailless whip scorpions. Suddenly a Canadian PhD. Student of biology from Canada appeared. Her research is focused on the band of monkeys, which she was following. She told us some interesting information about them. Then she followed the monkeys back to the forest.

Then we had to pack the tent and to walk those 7 kilometres to the entrance, where we planned to stop a bus. It took us about 90 minutes, and then we spent another half an hour in the bus. In Liberia we had a lunch in one tiny restaurant. There was still some time left, which we utilized for shopping - one water melon and bunch of postcards. We paid a pirate taxi, which took us to the airport. There we used Canadian antiseptic gel before we cut the melon. We laughed a lot while eating the melon and appraising the vacation. We were dirty and stinky, so we felt almost embarrassed when we imagined we will board the airplane. "But it doesn't matter, plane is not a Hilton hotel, so where's the problem", we said. We finished the melon and managed the formalities prior the departure. The security guy found a big can of tuna in Kofi's backpack, but he kindly gave it back to him. We walked into the departure hall, our plane arrived and it was the end of our mission Costa Rica 2011. Or do you want some bonus?

"Our technicians found a problem with hydraulics in the airplane. It is a leakage of the fluid. We will investigate the situation, and if possible, we will do our best to repair it as soon as possible. We will let you know in 10 minutes." The decision took them a bit longer to take. "We won't be able to fix it today, so you will spend the night in Hilton hotel at company's expense. We'll take you there and back by bus."

Wow. We found our luggage and looked at the other travellers. All of them were of the type that spends whole holiday at hotels and on beaches. They all had clean shirts, nice shiny shoes, suitcases, they were well shaven. And when we looked at ourselves? We stank like a dressing room of polecat race. We found no clean clothes in our backpacks and the male part of our group looked like some escapees from zoo. Our manners are also not very good - for example me, when I don't have formal dress, I act like an unleashed madman. But we will definitely enjoy it. We boarded a luxurious acclimatized bus, which took us to the hotel. It was only about 500 metres distant - if the douche bags would be able to carry their suitcases, we could be faster….

Since the first step on the red carpet we felt really inappropriately. We got some identification wristband and went to the room. It was too much for us - the size of beds would be almost sufficient for a football match. There was a huge plasma TV with infinite amount of channels, four pillows in each bed, original paintings on the wall and everything was perfectly clean. In the bathroom was a ton of expensive cosmetics, six fluffy white towels, the toilet itself was twice bigger than the one we have at home. And the end of toilet paper was decoratively folded. We had to do something with our appearance. I washed my socks in some shampoo and then fixed it on a hair dryer. Actually, it was very fast and efficient, but also very funny - so we were laughing whole the time. Kofi shaved his face and Cili looked finally really good. Then we could go to the restaurant; we looked humanly enough not to scare the other guests. On the way we wrote an email to our work to let them know we'll be late. The time to satisfy our terrible hunger came. We were curious how the dinner will be.

It was exactly what we needed - we could choose what we want from system of tables, which were anxiously replenished. Everything was made of ingredients of highest quality, it looked really good. We took the largest plate available and went for it in the Czech way. We had taste for everything, so our plates were heaping immediately: Rice, beans, chicken with curry, fresh bean pods, pasta, and beef. The plate was nearly full, but we wanted to make it completely full. So we added fish, toasts, pineapple, boiled corn, three kinds of melon, cheese, juice. It sounds like a manual how to contract diarrhoea before the flight, but after the week spent in mountains food was the last thing that would more courage than we had. We ate everything without any problem. What to do now? Of course, let's go for more. Kofi took more of the chicken, I preferred the fish. I think I did the same another three or four times, before I completely lost the taste for food. That's a pity they didn't have any ice-cream… but doesn't matter, let's have some pickles. Oh, look at this melon, it is a new kind! But it would be shame to go for only one piece… What more can I say? We planned to go to the swimming pool, but it was impossible. We would sink like a rock. We only took some pictures and went to bed. There was also one very funny idea among us - to erect the tent in the middle of the room. Finally the laziness and politeness won.

In the morning we went downstairs to have a breakfast. Our stomachs were stretched from the dinner and prepared for everything. The tables with food were full again. We took baguettes, eggs, corn, cakes, cheese, sausages, fried bacon, and baked potatoes. Then I went for some delicious, fresh and cold fruits. Cili created her own waffle with maple syrup, but she didn't like it so much, so I ate it instead of her. All of us went another three times for the fruits and we could roll our bodies towards the bus. I shouldn't forget to say I have a rubber stamp from this hotel in my chronicles.

The flight was late anyway. We arrived to Montreal too late for catching the perfect flight to Toronto. Moreover, the immigration officers were unusually curious that day. I had to explain all the details about my presence in Canada. He was surprised that I'm not bringing any souvenirs from Canada. I told him truthfully that I have only couple of postcards, and he replied that is has to be written on the paper we had to fill in. "How much was it?" "Five postcards per 50 cents, it gives 2.50 dollars." I was forced to type it there. Kofi got through smoothly and Cili reported about the same amount of questioning as me. Finally we boarded one plane and arrived to Toronto. We got home after the midnight and we had to go to work in the morning, but all of us were full of sun and adventures, which will shine from us for long time.

I haven't removed the wristband yet. I wonder how long it can take to an average festival wristband to disintegrate. Have you ever tried? What is your personal record? Once I tried to chew a gum, until it dissolves. I have heard a nice story about socks. And what about some shoes or T-shirt? I'm just trying, whether some funny story will appear here or not.